Odd
by ScarletRequiem
Summary: Levi has a lot of strange talents.
1. Chapter 1

This is, to sum it up, like a series of sort-of cracklike one-shots about little skills Levi has and how people learn about them. Everybody's gonna learn about Levi!

Red_Absinthe

-PICK LOCKS-

Eren Jeager knocked on a heavy oak door.

"Name and purpose."

"Cadet Jeager, sir. We need your help."

"Come in."

Eren opened the door and entered the Captain's office. "Sir, it's about Hange-"

"God. Okay, what did Shitty-Glasses do this time?"

"Th-that's the problem, sir. We have no idea what they're doing. They've been locked in their lab for almost three days now!"

The black-haired man at the desk looked up and sighed. "That's why I haven't had any migranes lately..." he muttered. "You can't get the psychopath out of the lab? Have you tried... I don't know... saying you want to do an experiment?"  
Eren shuddered. _"Even that."_

Levi raised an eyebrow. He pulled open a drawer and took out a small gadget from the back. "Alright."

His squad and Erwin were all grouped around the thick door to Hange's lab. When Levi came through, they parted.

"Glasses?"

"Go away! I'm working on something and you can't know about it yet!"

Levi pinched his nose. "Really smooth..." he mutters.

He turns the doorknob. Locked.

He pulls the small gadget out of his pocket. It's a lockpick.

"Um, Captain?"

He kneels by the doorknob and inserts it.

"What are you doing?"

He glances up at Erwin.

"What, never seen someone pick a lock before?"

Levi gently wiggles the pick around in the door, biting his lip, concentrating.

_Clik!_

He gets up and turns the doorknob again. This time the door opens.

"HANGE."


	2. Chapter 2

Please request and review!

Red_Absinthe

* * *

-KNIFE FIGHT-

(I'm a bit unsure as to how this one goes down. I think a lot of them will end up being Truth or Dare.)

Nobody actually knew why Levi held one of his blades in an underhanded grip.

They had never actually _asked_, but they didn't really want to (he was scary and gave out punishments, and that was reason enough) but Hange, well...

They were more daring then normal people, spending time around captured titans all the time, talking about them like a weeb talks about their favorite anime. So, they were obviously the worst person to challenge you on Truth or Dare. And a lot of their dares had to do with irritating the Captain.

Which was almost never- no, just _never_\- a good idea.

"Fight Captain Levi... with wood knives."

Mikasa, from her spot on the floor, growled. _Lucky bastard._

Jean, however, trembled. "But-"

"Come on, horseface, are you scared?" Taunted Eren.

"I'd be scared too..." Muttered Connie. "I don't even want to be present."

"TOO BAD! GO, JEAN THE NOBLE STEED, AND CHALLENGE THE HEAD KNIGHT OF THE CASTLE!" Hange wailed, pointing to the door.

Jean sighed, got up and walked toward his doom.

"Besides," said Mikasa from behind him. "Can the Captain even use a knife?"

Hange's laugh was not a good sign.

* * *

About two minutes later, Jean was holding a wood knife and staring down Levi on the empty training field.

This was not how he wanted to spend his day off. He sighed.

Levi glanced at the crowd. His eyes latched onto Hange.

"This is a dare, isn't it."

"Yeah."

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. "Alright. I have paperwork to get back to, so let's hurry this up."

Hange, a wide smile on their face, screamed, "GO!"

Jean took the first move, advancing quickly and swiping from above.

That's when they all realized he was screwed beyond saving.

Levi spun the knife and caught it in a downhanded grip and in one swift move, knocked the knife out of Jean's hand, and with another move, the knife was at his throat and he was pinned down.

Jean grabbed his knife and threw the small man off him and attacked again, deciding if he was screwed he'd better put up a good fight, at the very least.

The knife whistled past Levi's face, and he ducked, and swiped with the knife again.

Jean was on the ground again.

"Horseface, you got your ass kicked..."

Jean rubbed his head and looked up, surprised.

Levi was offering his hand.

Gratefully, Jean took it and hauled himself up.

"Not bad, Kirshtien." (I can't spell it)

He saluted. "Th-thank you, sir!"

* * *

"SO THAT'S WHY HE HOLDS THE SWORD UNDERHAND!"


	3. Chapter 3

Please give ideas and review, it means a lot! The insparation for this comes from the Attack on Titan wiki page for him. Apparently he cuts his own hair with clippers.

Red_Absinthe

* * *

-CUT HAIR-

Eren sighed and blew his bangs out of his eyes for the billionth time that day.

Or it felt like the billionth time, he wasn't really sure. The point is his hair was too long, and he badly needed a haircut.

Raking his hair out of his face, he went to the infirmary. They probably had a pair of scissors there.

* * *

Eren was in the middle of brushing his hair when Levi came in.

"Jeager, what are you doing? Did you step away from training to _brush your hair_?"

Eren frantically shook his head. "Not at all, sir, my hair was getting to long, and it was getting in my eyes, so-"

Levi cut him off.

"You wanted to come and give yourself a shitty haircut?"

Eren blinked.

"Uh, yeah, sir."

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh for-I'll cut your damn hair, but you have to clean it up."

Eren gave him a weird look.

"You can cut hair?"

"I cut _my _hair."

"Oh."

"Sit back down and brush it out."

Eren quickly sat back down and hastily brushed his hair. Levi sat him down in a wood chair for visitors and pulled out a pair of scissors.

They were silver, and they flashed in the light.

* * *

About an hour later, Eren stepped out of the infirmary and found a mirror.

"Huh. It looks good."

* * *

"Eren, where'd you get your haircut? I like it."

Eren hid a small smirk.

"Captain Levi did it."

_Dead silence._


	4. Chapter 4

It took me an embarrassingly long 15 minutes for me to figure out what "drinking someone under the table" means.

Red_Absinthe

* * *

-DRINK-

Levi had an extremely high alcohol tolerance. He was relatively certain nobody could outdrink him. He'd probably end up getting alcohol poisoning first.

So when an extremely drunk Hange burst into his office and challenged him to a drinking contest at nine o'clock at night, he was unworried about it.

However, it became more of an issue when he entered the room where they were leading him and it was immediately apparent that Hange was not the only drunk.

Armin was sitting in the corner, clutching his head, blue eyes watery and wide, and muttering something that sounded like "voodoo dolls" and "torture chamber" and "basement."

Eren and Jean, for the first and likely last time, had linked their arms and were pouring 100% vodka over their heads, screaming "SHOTS SHOT SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!"

Facepalming, Levi looked to the center of the room, where Pixis stood to the side with a smirk on his face. Erwin was still sober, trying to calm down Sasha, who was, to put it mildly, a rabid beast. Connie was just a happy drunk.

Christa was passed out in a corner, where Ymir was picking her up.

Levi growled quietly.

"HEY GUYS!" Hange screamed. They all turned, saw Levi, and it was dead quiet.

Eren slurred, "We'll clean this up, Captain-

"NAH, HE'S HERE TO DRINK!"

All the tension instantaneously disappeared. It was comical.

Hange hiccuped, "I WANT TO SEE HIM DRUNK! SOMEONE SO SMALL MUST BE A LIGHTWEIGHT, RIGHT?"

Once again, everyone froze. Erwin was almost scared.

Eren and Jean put the vodka down and capped it. There was still quite a bit left. More then half.

The tiniest of smirks on his lips, he took the bottle from them.

Dead silence. He popped the cap, threw it on the floor, and put it to his mouth.

The Scouts stared in shock as their Squad Captain chugged straight 100%-alcohol vodka _straight from the bottle._

He threw his head back and drained the bottle.

He dropped it on the ground, where it shattered, completely empty.

Wiping his mouth, he said, perfectly stabley and clearly,

"Who's the lightweight now, bitches?"


	5. Chapter 5

This is the original idea for the story.

Please read and review! Song and lyrics: watch?v=Xxrxn01z8xg&list=RDWAoPeG1LU1g&index=2

Red_Absinthe

* * *

-SINGING-

"Armin?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you hear that?"

"Yeah."

"That's not English, is it?"

"You'd probably be the one to know, Armin."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm done with cleaning, Eren. Go get the rest of the squad, I want to know who's singing. It'll be a mystery!"

Armin had little sparkles in his eyes, and Eren wasn't going to be the one to mess with that.

He hurried off.

* * *

About five minutes later, the rest of the Levi Squad was gathered, and they set off to look for the foreign voice.

Mikasa started to slowly recognize the language.

"Japanese."

"What?"

"It's an Asian language."

"You recognize that? Cool."

Armin shushed Jean. "We're getting close."

_Just behind these __bookshelves..._

What they saw sent them mentally reeling. There, behind the bookshelves, was Captain Levi. Singing.

It was a real WTF moment, as Jean would later describe it.

_"Hizamazuke, butadomo ga."_

/"Kneel down, pigs."/ Mikasa whispered. (The slashes is her telling them the translations.)

But the fact that Levi was singing wasn't the surprising bit. It was the fact that he sounded _good._ Even Mikasa would admit it.

"Oh my god."

_Kirisaite miseteyaru mirai sae mo_

_Sukui wo motomeru no naraba_

_Hizamazuke!_

/I'll show you, tearing it to pieces

If you only wish for salvation, for the future

Then, kneel down/

Jaws dropped.

_"Holy shit._"

_Yodomu shikai yuganda joushiki_

_Kono sekai wa dare no mono ka?_

/A stagnant field of vision, a warped up common sense

Who does this world belong to?/

_Kotae nante wakaru hazu mo nai_

_Ima kono te de nurikaeteyaru_

_Kagirinaki jiyuu no tsubasa wa kono se ni_

/I can't possibly know the answer

I'll just paint it over, with these hands

With the wings of endless freedom on my back/

_Samayotte doko e yuku _

_Sono karada ga susumubeki michi ga hoshii nara _

_Hirefuse yo_

/Roaming about, where to go? If you want a path for you to move forward

Prostrate yourself before me/

_Kirisaite miseteyaru mirai sae mo_

_Sukui wo mtomeru no naraba_

_Hizamazuke!_

/I'll show you, tearing it to pieces/

If you only wish for salvation, for the future Then, kneel down/

_Tch!_

_Nante zama da sameta tiikappu_

_Wazurawashii ikareta ruuru_

/What a mess, the tea's cold already. The troublesome, crazy rules/

_Nani wo shinji nani wo erabu no ka Kessuru no wa omae jishin da Yuruginai omoi to chikai wo kokoro ni_

/What do you believe in, what do you choose

The one who will decide is you, yourself

An unshakable feelings and vows, in this heart/

_Dare no tame nanno tame tatakau no ka_

_Oma sono tarinai atama de _

_Kangaero_

/For who, and for what sake, do you fight? Right now, with that brainless head of yours

Think of it/

_Mae wo miro tsuite koi_

_Sono hitomi de shinjitsu wo mitai no naraba_

_Me wo sorasu na_

/Look forward, follow my lead

If you want to see the truth with your own eyes

Don't avert your gaze/

_Samayotte doko e yuku_

_Sono karada ga susumubeki michi ga hoshii nara_

_Hirefuse yo_

_Kirisaite miseteyaru mirai sae mo_

_Sukui wo motomeru no naraba_

_Hizamazuke!_

/Roaming about, where to go? If you want a path for you to move forward

Prostrate yourself before me/

/I'll show you, tearing it to pieces If you only wish for salvation, for the future

Then, kneel down/

_"Butayarou ni shite wa yaru janee ka."_

As the last note of his song faded out, Hange burst form behind the adjacent bookshelf where they had also been hiding and burst into applause and cheering.

To their utter surprise (and Hange's pleasure) he flushed red and pushed them back by the face.

"Shut up, shitty-glasses."

Eren decided to take a risk, and by that I mean Jean shoved him out.

"Uh-uh-that was really good, Captain!"

Nods and shouts of agreement from behind the bookcase.

Levi looked like he wanted to die.

_/"You did well, for a being a mere pig."/_


	6. Chapter 6

I will be rewriting singing soon. I had forgotten the idea I originally had for it, so I'm rewriting it. As for my views on ships, I like Ereri but in more of a father-son way, and Rivamika in a bro-sis way.

If it comes down to who I ship with Levi, I. have to say Eruri (ADORABLE FANART) or Levihan.

Red_Absinthe

* * *

-SEWING-

Mikasa was frantic. No, not frantic, panicked, but worse, so much worse.

Her scarf was missing.

"Calm down, Mikasa, we'll find it-"

Her only response was hyperventilating. "Mikasa-"

Enter Hange, her saving grace:

"I think I saw Levi with it earlier, why don't you ask him?"

Mikasa's eyes instantaneously became sharper then swords. "If that midget bastard has done anything to it-"

They didn't get to hear the rest, because she dashed down the hallway in a desperate sprint.

* * *

Skidding to a stop outside Levi's office, she didn't even bother to knock. She just burst in without a second thought.

_"whAt dId yOU Do tO mY sCarF?"_

Mikasa stopped abruptly. Levi sat at his desk and had paused in his work, a kneedle and thread between his fingers.

Her beaten scarf was a vibrant red as the day it was knitted, and the holes that had accumilated over the years of wearing it sewn up expertly.

The last one was just about done. Levi finished the last stitch, cut the thread, and tied it. He tucked the needle and thread back into the drawer they came from.

Wordlessly, he offered the scarf to her. Mikasa took it. It was soft and clean.

"I was looking ratty, so I took it, cleaned it, and stitched it up. Sorry. I knew you wouln't let me have it even if I asked politely. But it means a lot, right? Take care of it."

She wrapped the scarf around her neck and buried her mouth and nose in it, feeling its comfort.

"Thanks," she said shortly, greatful.

Just a little, though.


	7. Chapter 7

Please, for the love of god, review. I'm running out of ideas fast, guys.

I actually googled how to do this to get it right.

Red_Absinthe

* * *

-HAGGLING-

(Yeah, you read that right. Haggling. Google it.)

"Honestly," Eren sighed. "All I want is a small piece of jewelry, like a ring or a braclet. Mikasa's birthday is coming up, so I don't know what to do! I can't afford any of it!"

His boots crunched in the snow as he walked next to Armin.

"I think we should pool our money! That could work!"

"But weren't you going to get her a fake flower? I heard they were really expensive..."

"Yeah, but she'll appreciate a gift from you more."

"No. I'll find something else-hey, it that Captain Levi?"

It indeed was Levi, out shopping for-whatever he was buying. It looked like tea leaves, but they weren't really sure. It was too far to tell.

It was strange, seeing him out of uniform. He wore loose black pants, a buttoned-up white shirt, and a black coat.

As he walked by, they saluted hastily. "S-sir!"

He waved them off. "It's fine."

Then he gave them a wierd look. "Why are you here, anyway? Shouldn't you be up at HQ, with Ackerman?"

Armin and Eren tripped over each other to explain.

"W-well you see, sir-"

"Mikasa's birthday is coming up-"

"We needed to get her gifts-"

"Stop, stop, stop. One at a time."

"Mikasa's birthday is February tenth, and we need to get her some gifts. But..."

Eren trailed off.

"But...?" Levi inquired.

"I was going to get her a ring or a bracelet or something, but I can't afford it... Armin offered to pool our money, but he had special plans too..."

Levi sighed. "Stingy marketers, eh..."

He had been there _many _times.

Levi took pity on them. "Can't you haggle?"

"Haggle? No, sir."

"Okay. Well, I can. What did you want to get her?"

Eren's eyes widened. "I-I can take you there, Captain-"

"Don't call me that. I'm out of uniform, I'm not a soldier today. Just take me there, and then stay out of sight."

"What? Why?"

"Haggling 101. If you failed and send in someone else, the merchant has an upper hand if he knows about it."

* * *

Eren led him to the stand where he had seen the ring he liked the most.

"It's got a silver band and a small black stone on it."

Levi nodded.

* * *

The merchant blinked, looking up at the next customer, a gray-eyed man with black hair and a friendly smile. "Hello," he said.

"Ah! Hello! What are you looking for today, sir?"

"I'm just here to look around, thank you."

The man scrutinized the glass cases, eyes lingering on a few of the rings and necklaces.

"Who are you shopping for?"

"Oh? It's my wife's anniversary in a couple days and I want a proper gift for her. Your wares are very fine, as I've heard..."

Bullshit. Levi made it up on the spot.

"I appreciate it, sir."

_Bingo._ Levi saw the ring out of the corner of his eye. "Oh," he said, pointing out one at the opposite end, "This one is very nice. How much is it? I'm not wearing my glasses."

He could see the price perfectly. It cost more then the silver one.

"That's 50 euros and 90 coins, sir." (I don't know the currency, but they use paper money and coins. And the official currency of Germany is euros, so...)

"Ah. I see. I don't have much, I'm afraid..."

"Well, this one," said the merchant, "is more affordable."

He pointed towards the silver ring.

"Oh. That one is nice too. I'll take it, thanks."

* * *

Levi had been in there for 7 minutes. Armin was starting to shiver when he came back out and flicked the ring to Eren, who caught it haphazardly. "Thank you!"

"Don't mention it."


	8. Chapter 8

YES! More requests! But personally, I think Levi would be able to cook... 'Cuz he would need to cook for himself in the Underground City before Isabel and Furlan, right?

So he's trolling them in this. He's trolling them _so hard._

Please request more!

Red_Absinthe

* * *

-BAKING-

"And tonight, Levi's cooking."

Groaning filled the room.

"Prepare your poor stomachs..."

"Shut up, Shitty-Glasses!"

Hange sighs.

"Yeah, I'll brace myself too. Let it be at least known that you aren't the only ones suffering!"

Only Mikasa was brave enough to make a comment.

"Why is it required we eat charcoal?"

From the background, Levi smirks.

"Because it builds character."

They didn't need to know that he could cook reasonably well.

* * *

And that night they all poked at the burnt lumps of black on thier plates.

One sighed.

* * *

"Levi, you really suck at cooking."

_"That's what you think."_

"What?"

"Nothing."

* * *

It was the middle of the night.

Everyone on the Levi Squad was starving (except Sasha, with her stomach of iron) and so here they were.

In the kitchen.

In total darkness.

Off to the side, a match lit.

Six pairs of panicked eyes turned to the light, where it lit a cande.

There sat Captain Levi, in a corner with a cup of tea.

Armin furiously crossed himself.

"Hungry?"

"Starving," replied Jean.

Levi stood. "Well, I guess I can-"

Assorted shouts of "NO!" and "goD, pLEaSe nO!" rang through the room.

Levi smirked for the second time that day.

In the back of his mind, something said "Wow, new record!" and he cussed it out mentally.

"I'm not actually a bad cook, you know. It just builds character."

Dead silence.

"You... could have fead us decent food ThiS wHoLE tiME?"

He sipped his tea. "Yep."

Quiet uproar, as other people were still asleep at the time, it being _at least _ten o'clock.

Levi chuckled.

Once again, dead silence.

"Yeah, I've been trolling you, as Hange would put it."

"Guys, all that's in here is flour, sugar, eggs, butter, milk, and baking powder! No meat, bread, nothing!"

Shoulders slumped. Connie sighed.

Levi cracked his knuckles. "Jeager, get out two metal bowls and a cupcake tin. Kirshtien (yep, still can't spell it) get the shit form the cupboard."

They stared at him.

"What are you waiting for?"

As they went off on thier seperate tasks, Levi found a whisk, a fork, and some just-add-water frosting in the back of a drawer. He didn't know where it came from, because it's techincally not canon in their universe, but he shrugged it off and instructed Connie to fill a bucket of water and Mikasa to light some candles so the room wasn't so dark. He tied on a white apron and got to work.

Quickly, he combined the wet and dry ingredients, whisking them like an expert while everyone stared at him like he was an alien.

_"Captain Levi can cook?"_

"Apparently I can, Springer, so do me a favor and grab the cupcake tin, 'kay?"

He hastily handed over the cupcake tin, and Levi poured the batter in.

He went over to the oven, where he hung the batter over the fire.

* * *

In about 20 minutes (enough to make frosting and add in a little sugar and cocoa powder) the cupcakes were looking nice and golden-brown, so he put on some mitts and took them off.

After letting the cupcakes cool, he took them out, pulled on some plastic gloves, washed the whisk, and expertly dolloped the frosting on them in little swirls.

At this time, most of the squad were dozing at the table, heads in arms or leaning on wrists.

He made sure when he put the plates with cupcakes on them down with an extra loud 'clink.'

"Whazzat?"

"Oh. _Oh."_

"Um. Wow."

Levi sat at the table with them with a cupcake and some tea. He sipped it.

"Eat and then go back to bed."

"Thanks, Captain."

Levi felt slightly satisfied at the pleasured groans of them biting into the sweet cake.

He took a bite.

_Not bad._


	9. Chapter 9

This was actually a drabble I had planned.

Working on how to convert the Levi/Mikasa fight into a fic.

Red_Absinthe

* * *

-STARTING A BAR FIGHT-

"We need to cause descreet chaos," said Hange, a strange little twinkle in their eyes. "It needs to be stealthy but chaotic."

Levi rubbed his eyes, sighing.

"Why?" Armin inquired.

"For this mission, we're investigating a suspicious bar that we think is a front for illegal ODM sales."

"Shouldn't that be the MP's job?"

Levi cut in. "I'd be surprised if they weren't the ones behind it."

"Exactly."

* * *

"So," said Eren, hours later, "What do we do?"

Levi gave him a strange look.

"Yeah, what are we supposed to do?"

"You... seriously don't know?"

He set down his tankard.

"You do, Levi?" Asked Hange.

He looked at them all.

"Start a bar fight. Duh." He sipped his drink.

"How do we do that?"

Levi stared at Jean for a moment. Then, without so much as changing his expression, tossed the cup high in the air.

It came down with a thud_, dead center _in the middle of a burly, tattoed man's bald head.

"Like that."

"WHO THREW THAT?"

The man was on his feet in an instant, wild piggy eyes looking around for a perpritrator. "YOU! WAS IT YOU?"

He shouted at another man. "YOU?"

Levi smirked as a punch was thrown. Then another.

Pretty soon the whole joint was beating the shit out of each other.

Levi got more ale and sighed happily, sipping his drink.

"I love a good bar fight."


	10. Chapter 10

FIVE NEW IDEAS? THANK YOU!

I was listening to 'History Maker' and that's what inspired this!

Thank you! Thank you SO MUCH!

Please review! I get so happy whenever I read your requests-it's the first thing I do when I log in!

Red_Absinthe

* * *

-ICE-SKATE-

"The pond froze over!"

"Get Hange!"

(Cue Hange)

"I MADE ICE SKATES!"

"Yes!"

* * *

"Lllleeevvvviiiii..."

"I. Will. Not. Ice. Skate. With. You. Period."

Hange sighed. "But, Levi, why? I could teach you!"

"I know how to skate. Now get out of my office, I have paperwork to do."

Sighing, Hange tramped out of Levi's office, but they made sure to leave the skates by his door.

As the door closed behind them, Levi whispered, "And I wouldn't want to upstage anyone."

* * *

Levi threw down the pen, hands aching. He flexed his fingers.

Maybe the pond would still be an option.

* * *

"LEVI! YOU CAME!"

"Turn your goddamn voice down, shitty-glasses."

Hange smiled, skating away. The pond was rather large, and there was a lot of space.

Levi strapped on the skates and looked at his squad.

Eren looked very determined, Mikasa a bit off balance, Jean out of his element (_horses don't belong on ice, _Levi thought), Connie kept falling on his ass, and Sasha wasn't much

better.

Surprisingly, Armin had caught on quickly and was doing pretty good, keeping his balance well.

Levi stretched and gently got onto the ice. _I'm a bit rusty..._ he thought.

"Captain? Even you?"

"Sh. I'm rusty, I need to concentrate."

He started to skate, slowly picking up speed, then turning swiftly and jumping and spinning in midair, landing flawlessly, eyes shut calmly.

They stared.

He skated backwards and did it again, moving in a smooth rythm around the pond, arms lifting gently and slowly, in fluid motions, still going backwards.

"Um. Shit."

He skidded to a stop. Eyes still shut, he skated forwards again, and jumped and spun once, twice, _three times,_ and landed perfectly again.

It was surprisingly elegant. He skated in smooth circles, arms moving, perfectly balanced.

_"OH MY-"_

* * *

Here's the logic-Levi has ice skated a lot, because it helps with ODM balance, and spins because it's his special move when he fights.


	11. Chapter 11

This chapter is crack, based off the video Secret Meetings.

Link here: watch?v=S9SoVeAdTlc

Thanks!

Red_Absinthe

* * *

"Get up, brats. You're coming to the meeting."

The Levi Squad looked up.

"Meeting, sir?" Said Jean.

"Yes. Top secret, too." Levi glanced around. "Come with me.

* * *

The door opened with a creak.

"So, what do you do in these 'Top Secret Meetings?'"

"Get drunk, mostly."

"Wait, what?" Eren said.

"It's a stress reliever."

"What's in the bag?"

"It's my turn to bring the booze."

"But Captain, you don't..."

"Get drunk. Yeah, it sucks."

* * *

As they spilled into the room, everyone looked up.

"It's Levi's turn!"

"Yes!"

"I always bring the best stuff," Levi muttered, cutting off questions.

He sat down and started pulling out bottles.

Soon, everyone had a drink (but Armin, who Levi made some tea for) and was sipping appreciatively.

(Hope I spelled that right.)

It was Sasha who spoke up.

"This... is really boring."

"Just you wait until Erwin gets drunk."

"What happens when Commander Erwin gets drunk?"

"The karaoke starts."

* * *

Roughly an hour later, it was Levi's turn to pick a song.

"Bohemian Rhapsody, if I have to choose."

Hange started them off, cheeks tinged with pink.

"I see a little sillhouetto of a man-"

"Scaramouche, Scaramouche, can you do the fandango?"

"THUNDERBOLTS AND LIGHTNING VERY VERY FRIGHTING TO ME!"

"Galileo!"

"Galilieo!"

"GALILEO FIGARO!"

"MAGNIFICO!"

Surprisingly, it was Levi who sung next.

"I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me-"

"HE IS JUST A POOR BOY FROM A POOR FAMILY, SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITYYYYY!

Erwin cut in. "Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?"

"BISMILLAH!"

"THEY WILL NOT LET ME GO, LET 'EM GO!"

"BISMILLAH!"

"THEY WILL NOT LET ME GO!"

"NO!"

"NO!"

"NO!"

"NO!"

"NO!"

"NO!"

Levi stood up, chair raking on the floor.

"OH MAMA MIA, MAMA MIA LET ME GO!"

"BEELZEBUB HAS A DEVIL PUT ASIDE FOR ME!"

"FOR ME!"

Erwin picked it up.

"FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee!"


	12. Chapter 12

Please review!

Red_Absinthe

* * *

PICK-POCKETING

"Eren hasn't been allowed out of his cell for weeks!"

Mikasa was complaining to Erwin again.

"Listen, Ackerman-"

"WEEKS! He'll get prisoner's disease, Commander."

Erwin wanted to slam his head onto the desk. "Go talk to Captain Levi. He's the one keeping Eren in line."

* * *

Mikasa didn't bother knocking on Levi's door. She just barged in.

"I want Eren out of his cell."

Levi glanced up from his paperwork. "Hm?"

"Eren. Cell. Out."

Levi sighed. He had a headache. He wasn't in the mood today.

"I'm not taking no for an-"

"Let me think about it."

Mikasa stopped abruptly. "What?"

"Let me think about it. I need to do paperwork now-" he guestured to the stack on his desk with his free hand- "But let me get back to you when I'm done, Ackerman."

* * *

Levi folded his hands.

"I think he should be let out."

Mikasa stared.

"Really?"

"Yes." Levi spread his hands. "Unfortunately, Erwin has the keys."

"What-What does that mean?"

"It means I have to get clearence to get it, which I probably won't get."

Mikasa slammed her hands down on his desk and glared at him. He raised a hand before she could interject.

"I didn't say I coudn't get it. Go down and wait with Eren. You heard nothing, you saw nothing, because what I'm about to do is illegal and I don't think you want to be an accomplice."

* * *

Levi nodded his head to Erwin as he walked in at lunch, sitting next to him.

Erwin began to eat, and Levi began to work. His fingers found their way into his pocket, light as a feather. It would take the nerves of an expert pickpocket to pull it off.

His fingertips found the keys and he pulled softly, dislodging the key. His fist closed over it and he swiftly tucked it in his pocket. Levi stood, smooth and casual.

"I need to give Jeager some food."

He picked up a tray and headed down to the dungeon, where Mikasa and Eren were waiting.

* * *

Levi opened the door to the dungeon and stepped in.

"Hello, Eren," he said quietly. Eren stood hastily and saluted.

Levi waved him off and pulled the key from his pocket, not failing to notice the way Eren's eyes followed it. He unlocked the door and pushed it open, offering him the food.

He tossed the key at Mikasa.

"This never happened."


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry I haven't updated in so long. I already know I'm a piece of garbage.

Red_Absinthe

* * *

THROWING DARTS

"I AM THE CHAMPION!"

"This is what I meant when I said your bigass head wouldn't fit into the interior, Horseface."

"Oh, shut up, Jeager. You're just jealous."

"He is right, Eren."

"Squad Leader Hange!"

They looked at him from the dartboard. "No, Eren, really, he whupped your ass."

Jean basked in the glory of a successful game of darts before he came in.

"Brats, why aren't you cleaning?"

Eren hurriedly jumped into a salute before Levi waved it away. "You don't have to salute every time I walk into a room-"

His voice cut off as he saw the dartboard. Then, surprisingly, he turned to them and said, "Really? That's the best you can do?"

He pulled the darts out of the board, ignoring Jean's protests, and hung the board back on the wall. He walked a good five yards away from it before turning and swiftly landing a clean shot right on the center of the dartboard.

"Who's game is this?"

"Mine, sir!" Jean puffed out his chest before Levi said, "It's shit. Learn how to play darts."

* * *

I'm sorry it's so short!


	14. Chapter 14

I'm sorry that I can't be trusted to reliably upload chapters. Throw your hate at me if you wish. *bows*

-Red_Absinthe

* * *

-DANCE-

_"Another_ undercover mission?"

"Listen, brat, it's not my fault the MP's can't do their jobs."

"Where are we going?" Asked a very confused Mikasa. "And why are you wearing a _suit?"_

"We're crashing a ball where some very suspicious substances are being passed around. The Commander thinks they may be related to whatever turns humans into titans."

Eren chewed on his lip, slightly confused. "But why the suit?"

"BeCAUSE, Jeager, we're crashing a ball, like where rich pigs dance and eat. We're not going in uniform."

"But why are you wearing it now?"

"Why does it matter?" Levi retorted sharply. In truth, he liked the suit- a simple black vest and black pants over a white dress shirt. Surprisingly, it reminded him of the vest he wore living in the Underground. Even more surprisingly, he wasn't bothered by it.

"It doesn't," Mikasa said firmly, taking Eren's arm. He glanced at her, blinking.

"It does look really good, though," Sasha remarked.

Levi closed his eyes and tried not to snap at them.

"We leave in an hour. Get ready. You're dismissed."

* * *

To say the party was lavish was an extreme understatement. 'Ostentatious' suited it better.

This. This was the exact portrayal of the high class that Levi despised. Still, he tried to deaden his trademark glare for something more friendly. And by more friendly what's really meant is 'not a glare-but not a normal face either.'

Outside the ballroom, he instructed his squad.

"Mingle. Don't attract too much attention- just smile and look like you're enjoying yourselves. Think of some false name if someone asks. Clear?"

They echoed the statement.

"Good. I'll be doing most of the work, but stay sharp. If you see something suspicious, find another member of the squad and make sure at least another person is aware. If it's important, you find me, got it?"

"Yes."

"Of course."

"Yes, Heichō."

He nodded and disappeared into the lit room.

* * *

Levi walked smoothly through the crowd, avoiding eye contact and moving toward his goal.

_Move like you have a purpose and people will often not question you._

Mentally, Levi chided himself. _Focus._

Still, that tip that Kenny had given had proven itself useful on more than one occasion. He straightened his posture and fixed his eyes on the doorway ahead.

"Oh!"

A large woman in a flowing red dress that did nothing to help her in the looks department moved over to him.

"Aren't you sweet," she gushed. "Would you like to dance?"

"I..." Shit. How was he supposed to respond to that? He had a life of fighting and death. These puffs had lives of flattery and money. He could dance, but everything he did was rough around the edges. If he danced with her, she'd most likely notice.

But Kenny hadn't taught him how to turn down a lady's hand. Could you even do that?

"Okay... Yes." He cursed his inner awkwardness.

She took his hand and pulled him to the floor. From the other side of the stage, he caught the eye of Mikasa.

He must have looked about how he felt-clumsy and a little bit panicked.

He glanced up at the woman. She dwarfed him in height and width.

The music was so loud. It drowned out everything.

_God, I hope nobody else sees this._

He glanced over at Mikasa again, almost unintentionally.

She gave an almost invisible nod and disappeared into the crowd.

Well, _that_ wasn't worrying at all.

The dance started and he swayed with the woman to the music, internally praying that this would end soon. Her hands were sweaty and he cringed internally. God, he wanted to wash his hands so badly.

* * *

Mikasa watched from the crowd. Levi looked so awkward dancing with the woman, but there was an odd grace about his movements. He pulled off the suit well, and he knew how to dance, which she hadn't expected. Still, it was difficult not to laugh at the size difference and the way he was open with some emotion for once- nervousness.

Mikasa smiled behind her scarf.

* * *

A bit of Levi/Mikasa in this chapter, huh?


	15. Chapter 15

I have been requested to update, so here I am! By the way, there's a demo for a story I'm thinking of continuing, and it would be greatly appreciated if you read and reviewed it! Thank you for your time.

-Red_Absinthe

* * *

-PLAYING PIANO-

(Yes, I am aware that pianos are not canon in AOT. Yes, I am writing about one anyway.)

Piano music.

It flooded through the old castle's corridors and hallways like a thick syrup. Some may have found the music annoying, but the residents only found it relaxing, as they were on an off day.

And everyone needed a break now and then.

The Levi Squad, however, were not taking breaks. They dedicated their day to a good, proper cause- finding out where the piano was coming from.

"I bet you it's the midget again. When random shit that makes no sense or doesn't matter at all to the story suddenly pops up, it's normally him."

"What?"

"Stop breaking the fourth wall, Mikasa."

"Same to you, Armin."

"Will you two shut up? We're probably getting close."

They gently creaked the door where the music came from open- it had taken them ridiculously long to find it.

It revealed, as expected, Captain Levi playing the piano.

_"Damn."_

God, even if they had expected it, there was a grace- a _beauty-_ to the music. Soft and elegant, it filled and swelled around him, pulsing in stunning waves. Long, pale fingers flowed across the keys, fast but somehow slow, the music rising and falling like the tides of the ocean.

"You brats need something?"

* * *

If you can't tell, I'm having a poetic day.


	16. AN

Sorry to update without a chapter, but this note is for two reasons-

A- I have my black belt test tomorrow and I have been getting more and more stressed progressively.

B- I'm rUnnInG oUt oF iDeAs hEre GuYs hElP

(edit- gUesS wHo jUst BeCamE a jUnIOr sHodAn bItcheS)

Red_Absinthe


	17. Chapter 17

First of all, sorry for not uploading recently. I'm somehow getting MORE work at stay-at-home school because I wAsN'T stREsSeD oUt eNouGh aLReaDy I gUeSs

Also, as this request is less of a skill and more of a headcanon, I will now take headcanon requests.

Happy Easter.

(No exclamation point because sOmeOnE [cough sister cough] ate six eggs worth of peanut M&Ms and my mother thinks I'm lying about it and that I ate it myself like iF I COULD EAT THAT MUCH CANDY WE WOULD BE HAVING A WHOLE NEW SET OF PROBLEMS.)

Sorry about the rant, I'm still steaming over it.

Bye!

Red_Absinthe

* * *

-BABYSITTING-

"THE HELL DID YOU SAY, HORSEFACE?"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST EFFING CALL ME, TITAN-BOY?"

"H-hey, maybe you guys should stop-"

"Just let them fight, Armin."

"But, Mikasa-"

"Eren can heal. He'll be fine."

Levi rubbed his temples, annoyed at the noise level he thought could only be achieved by Shitty-Glasses. _Jesus._

"All of you shut up," he finally snapped, grey eyes narrowing. "You're making so much damn _noise._"

Jean sighed and plopped down into a chair as Eren moved to his seat between Armin and Mikasa.

Sasha groaned. "But Captain! Connie and I were betting on who was going to win!"

"Stop whining."

"Captain Levi!"

"I said stop whining, brat."

"Aww, come on!"

Levi suddenly felt a strong urge to slam his head onto the table. He resisted with some difficulty.

Remembering what Erwin had told him, he straightened up and lifted his gaze back to the brats.

_"I know you like to babysit them, Levi."_

_"Actually, no, I hate it."  
_

_Hange poked his cheek from where they sat in front of the Commander's desk._

_"Well, that doesn't matter. They're to be under your surveillance for their break today."_

_"Fine- tRY TO POKE ME AGAIN AND I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET THE DAY YOU WERE BORN-"_

_They had poked him anyway._

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Connie muttered, "Why is it so warm in here?"

"For once he's right-"

"Hey-"

"It _is_ getting warmer in here."

Sasha shrugged off her jacket as the others did the same. Levi pulled his off as well, but he folded it neatly and put it beside him.

A breeze came through the castle window and several people sighed in contentment.

"I wish we could go outside. It's so beautiful out."

"It's not beautiful inside a titan's stomach."

Eren raised a hand. "I can reinforce that, as I have been inside a titan's stomach."

"Really? You have?"

"What's it like?"

Levi looked outside at the sun and the sky.

_I still half-expect to see rock, _he thought idly, but pushed that thought away.

He glanced back at his quarreling squad and fought down a small smile.

_Maybe I do like babysitting them... only a little._

Then Sasha's boot hit his head and those thoughts vanished in an instant.


	18. Chapter 18

AYYY

*coughs* cOrONa

SO.

Seventeen chapters.

It doesn't seem like much, but Jesus. I don't know how I got here.

_Seventeen chapters._

First of all, why do you even like this? Why? Like I just? IT'S NOT EVEN THAT GOOD.

Okay, yeah, maybe I should give myself a little credit.

bUt

BUT

There's a fanfic that I really want to throw my whole heart into. It's a long, complicated fanfiction, and I really don't need the extra stress of both on my conscience right now. Sorry.

So, I'm taking a break. I WILL RETURN. I guess this means I'm on hiatus?

Don't give up on me yet. The only one who's allowed to give up on me is me, dammit.

Thank you for reading and reviewing.

Red_Absinthe


End file.
